Today, I lounged. I held a cup of coffee, which later became a large cup of water, a can of cider, another glass of water and a large mug of coffee.
I have been home all day doing nothing productive. Does obsessing about dental health counts as being productive?
A lot of people have a hard time staying in one place, at least I think so because I happen to be one of them. My thoughts eat away at me when I sit still and nag me that I should be doing something, when really, I can do what ever I want, including nothing.
Yesterday, I couldn’t bear the idea of being at home all day that I walked almost 6-7 km. Toronto is wonderful city to walk around in.
So today, I forced myself to just sit still. Relax, spend some time at home and enjoy it. I realized that I never appreciated the space as a home. All I’ve ever done is think about my space as a space, where for the better part of the day is a form of storage for things I like, or it’s a place to have people over to hang out.
So, I stayed in bed for the better part of the morning and mid afternoon, reading. I normally read on transit or in a coffee shop. But today, after an odd number of years, I stayed in bed and finished a book.
I even had breakfast in bed. Thanks to him.
Then, I got up went into the living room and listened to music while I surfed the net. Had dinner and played Ticket to Ride.
Why is this a big deal? Because the whole entire time, I was actually trying to do nothing. I don’t spend enough time enjoying my space and that was made very clear to me earlier this week. All I wanted to do is be outside, go to a coffee shop, walk around, shop, eat take out, then at some point walk home. If I’m not working, I want to be outside.
Well, today I stayed at home. As a result it’s 2:15 am and I am wide awake, holding a cup of coffee staring at what I call home and writing about it.
Some of us always wonder about the “what if”. I think that if we took some time to look at what we have we can break down what we actually want and need. There nothing wrong about wanting more, but just make sure you don’t forget about what you already have. Just like I did.
What we accomplish is something we also have to appreciate for ourselves, rather than seeking for other to appreciate it for us. Having a roof over my head is a big deal for me because it symbolizes a form of stability, which isn’t something I’m overly used to. So having an apartment that I enjoy and am comfortable in and realize it, is a big deal. I wouldn’t have without the help of my friends and the everything that I’ve overcome.
Be satisfied with what you’ve currently accomplished. You will smile at yourself, just like I am right now.